Why Saying No at Work Feels So Hard, Especially for High Achievers

Why is it so hard to say “no” at work?

For many high achievers navigating demanding careers or toxic work cultures, saying no at work can feel nearly impossible. We’re taught that strength means endurance. That being “easy to work with” is more valuable than being honest. That if someone in a position of power treats us with disrespect, we should just adapt and prove we can handle it.

I’ve been there.

I once worked in a role where my boundaries were crossed regularly - disrespected, sometimes even humiliated. What made it harder was that everyone around me knew. Peers who had worked with this leader before sympathised, but stayed silent. They’d learned to tolerate it. Why couldn’t I?

I was the first to speak up. And even though I wasn’t wrong, I was quickly labeled the one who “couldn’t hack it.”

Advocating for myself didn’t make me feel strong. It made me feel exposed.

And yes, the stereotypes women in business contend with only amplify that. Assertiveness in men is seen as leadership. In women, it’s too often seen as something to manage.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on failure - not the kind that comes from taking risks, but the quiet kind. The failure to say no. The failure to trust your gut because you're afraid it’ll cost you your reputation.

But the real failure wasn’t mine. It was cultural.

The hardest part wasn’t the toxic behaviour - it was unlearning the belief that someone’s title gives them permission to treat others poorly. Unlearning that strength means staying silent. That success requires self-abandonment.

Now, I try to model the kind of leadership I value, whether I’m leading or being led. If something feels off, I name it. I invite dialogue. Sometimes that leads to real change. Sometimes it confirms misalignment.

But either way, I no longer betray myself to keep the peace. This boundary has changed every part of my life for the better.

If you’re in a season where speaking up still feels risky, you’re not alone. Start by noticing what’s not sitting right. Self-trust starts there.